


Never Really Over

by Levans44



Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Romance, Based on a Katy Perry Song, Birthday Party, Birthday Sex, Captain America's Birthday, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feelings, Fireworks, Fluff and Angst, Fourth of July, Love, Love Confessions, Porn with Feelings, Twitter, You and Steve broke up, but things are, i guess, never really over
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2020-10-14 09:08:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20598257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levans44/pseuds/Levans44
Summary: You were Steve's ex. And you intended it to stay that way. Or so you thought.Inspired by the lyrics of Never Really Over by Katy Perry. Also the occasional tumblr prompt “I can’t keep kissing other people pretending that they’re you."





	1. Chapter 1

The cabinet creaked as she gave it a tug, softly the first time and harder the second. It was the top drawer of the old mahogany cabinet in her bedroom, one that always got stuck and stubbornly refused to open. 

Sucking in a breath, she pulled for a third time - still nothing. She considered giving it up, just putting it in the back of her mind and walking away, but she found herself sighing and trying again. 

This time the drawer gave in, breaking free and stumbling open all at once. She let out a shaky breath before peering over and inspecting its contents: some boxers, a bottle of aftershave, a few pairs of sweatpants, and tucked away neatly in the corner, a faded blue shirt. Her hands reached instinctively for the article before she withdrew them, her fingers curling sharply into her palm. 

‘The line’ she reminded herself, gritting her teeth. She breathed deeply through her nose, in an attempt to subdue her feelings, to drown out the thoughts that came flooding in with the contents of the drawer. 

She couldn’t resist however, remorsefully reaching for the familiar soft fabric, grasping it tightly in her fists, bringing it up to her chest.

Pulling the shirt over her head, she couldn’t help but let out a sad smile at the wave of scent that hit her nose. Faintly, but unmistakably, the shirt still smelled of him, and gut-wrenching nostalgia inched its way into her heart.

Reaching for her phone on the lamp table, she climbed into bed, the hem of the blue fabric brushing against her thighs in an all-too-familiar manner.

Slipping under the covers, she couldn’t help but let the memories of him trickle over her. The memories they shared in this very room, on her bed, fleeting moments she never thought she’d look back on, ran through her mind. 

Suddenly, a loud ‘boom’ from outside jolted her awake from her thoughts. As she peered out the window, her eyes widened at the sight. 

Fireworks, red, white, and blue, exploded in the city night sky, bursts of color against the dull black. Her stomach jumped, a rush of new feelings flooding through her. She grabbed her phone, hastily unlocking it. 

It was true. July 4th. Today was his birthday - and she hadn’t even realize it until now. The love-filled reminder set on her phone was now simply just words floating on the screen. This would be the first birthday they didn’t spend together. 

Two years. If nothing else could testify to the time they were with each other, it was the number of birthdays they spent together, and the growth that marked each one apart from the other. 

_ “The world is a better place with you here, Cap, happy birthday.”  _

_ “Wishing the best birthday to my fav hero!”  _

_ “Happy Birthday, **love** you Captain America <3" _

Birthday wishes flooded her twitter feed, as a heavy stone dropped to the bottom of her stomach, the dreadful truth sinking in - he didn’t need her to have a good birthday, the entire nation was celebrating it for him. 

Upon a few more minutes of digging, she found out that the entire SHIELD crew was out celebrating at a flashy club, Captain America the center of all of their love and attention. 

She threw her phone on the bed, sighing as she draped an arm over her eyes. Steve deserved every bit of praise and admiration he was getting. It just saddened her to think that she couldn’t be there with him. 

_No_, you’re falling down that hole again. Stop. Draw the line. It’s over now. 

And as much as she wanted to listen that voice, she was too weak, and her conscience wasn’t loud enough. So, her hands drifted over to her phone once more, this time pressing on the small green icon, scrolling through a few contacts before she soon found him. 

When her thumbs landed on the white keys, her mind went blank: what was she going to say?

_ “Hey, how are you?” _

_ “Hi, it's been a while.” _

_ “Happy Birthday!” _

** _ “I miss you.”  _ **

She hastily deleted the last text, sighing. Trying to contact him again was pointless - they had ended things. No, it was best for her to leave things there, steer clear of the line. She was just about to turn her bedside lamp out when she heard a faint knocking at the door. 

She frowned. It was late enough in the evening for her to cautiously slip out of bed, clutching onto her phone as she she silently approached the door. 

Peering through the peep hole, she doubled over in surprise. No, it couldn’t be. She yanked the door open, her voice hitching in her throat as she cried out. 

“S-Steve?”


	2. Chapter 2

"S-Steve?"

The man at the door gave her a sheepish smile, his hand reaching for the back of his neck.

“Hey,” When her name escaped past his lips, she was paralyzed by the way that her name rolled off his tongue so easily.

Not bothering to return the greeting, she intently studied his face, scanning over the familiar and somewhat unfamiliar ridges of his features, a new line here and there. A small scar on his left jaw. Her eyes ultimately landed on his warm, blue ones, and she willed herself to break out of their trance.

“What are you doing here?” Her soft voice rang through the silence of the hallway, the only other sound the distant noises of traffic and pedestrians. 

“I… I have to talk to you.” His tone was hesitant and strained, like he was trying to figure out how to approach her again. Before she could reply, his eyes traveled down to what she was wearing, and her stomach churned at the expression that flickered across his face at the sight of his old shirt.

She fluttered her eyes shut, mind going blank. “Steve” her voice, barely above a whisper, shook, like she had just been out in the cold. 

In return, Steve said her name, his voice just as quiet and equally as desperate. She heard him take a step toward her, raising his hand to rest on the door. 

“Please.” 

A shaky breath rushed through her nose, her eyes squeezing shut at the word before she opened them, watching him as he took another step. Her gaze immediately darted down to his feet, dangerously close to stepping over the door frame.

“I-I…” she struggled to find the right words, not knowing _what_ to think. 

What did he want from her, showing up here out of nowhere?  She didn’t get to think for much longer, however, as he suddenly lunged forward, enveloping her in his strong arms. Her heart leaped at the contact, her stiff arms pressing against their chests as an effort to maintain the distance between them. He smelled of cologne and champagne, probably from the party. 

_ No_, the line. But it was hard to think of the barrier she had created, when Steve had already entered her room, feet crossing over the white doorframe where the dull grey carpet of the hallway switched over to her light wooden floor.

So, despite herself, she let herself be held, clutching onto the material of his shirt, as Steve dug his face into her neck, taking slow, deep breaths. 

“I miss you.” His voice was low, smooth, and soft against her skin, comforting her in all of the right ways. But the warmer Steve’s embrace felt, the scarier the prospect of what comes after became. 

“S-Steve, we can’t” She tried to pull away, weakly pushing his broad shoulders away from her. Her efforts were, of course, in vain. 

“Why not?” He murmured into her hair. 

“You _know_ why” she said, her voice quieter than before; she didn’t even trust herself to vocalize properly at this point. Instead, she pushed herself off from him with a bit more conviction, as he sighed and loosened his grip around her.

His eyes faltered to the ground, his voice hoarse, deep, and barely above a whisper. 

“I can’t keep kissing other people pretending that they’re y-ou.”

She felt a tight pang in her chest at the crack in his voice, suffocating pressure filling her lungs. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing; how, after months without calling or texting, during which she had suffered from painful daily reminders on the internet, teetering on the verge of giving in a million times, when she had _finally_ managed to turn the agonizing thoughts away, he had showed up on her doorstep, admitting to her a period of torment she thought only she had experienced. 

Despite the circumstance, her cheeks flushed at the thought of it all, head spinning at the warmth spreading through her. Considering the occasion on which he had appeared before her - a national holiday, his birthday, and the one day he was relieved of his exhausting duties as Captain America, it was inconceivable that he had chosen to be with her, telling her that he missed her, that he couldn’t move on.

A strange mixture of empathy, denial, and fear rushed to the tip of her tongue, but before she could say anything, she was cut off by a sensation in her hand - his fingers had gently trailed down her arm, skimming over her cold knuckles before turning her hand over, holding her palm against his. Like every other part of him, his touch was gentle and reassuring, as the calloused pad of his thumb skimmed over the top of her hand. 

She bit her lip, hard, willing for the tears to stop clouding the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry” his hoarse voice indicated that he was just as close to crying as she was, and her head shot up at his words, almost angered by what he was saying.

“What for?” She raised her voice, eyebrows scrunched, her vision clearer now - the tears had slipped off the ledge, skimming her cheeks as they fell to the floor. She feltpressure swell inside of her, the elastic band in her chest stretching. 

He bit his lip, eyes falling to the floor. 

“For, for everything. I-I didn’t mean for things to end this wa-”

And she didn’t mean to cut him off. 

She felt the band snap in half as she reached up on her tiptoes, one hand pulling him down by the back of his neck and the other gripping his shirt as she slammed her scalding lips against his. 

She had pictured this scene in her head often, way too many time to recount, when she would get to kiss him again, to have him hold her tightly against him. Now that it was happening, however, she realized that there was no way she could have imagined the sensations that ran through her body - electric sparks ripping through her veins. It was like the dreadful weight in her stomach had been a dam in disguise all along, and now, Steve’s words had caused a deluge, a swirl of emotions crashing through the surface - its sole exit through the contact of her mouth with his. 

Steve responded by lunging forward, hands on either side of her face, tilting his head. All that they could feel or hear for the next few seconds was rushed breathing, lips frantically moving against each other, frenzied gestures as their hands flailed around to grab whatever of each other they could. 

He ended up taking small steps inside the house, pushing her up against the nearest wall, hastily shutting the door with the heel of his foot. Leaning his elbows against the wall, hands still caressing her face, he trapped her between the wall and his torso. 

“Steve” She gasped against his lips, like she had just been pulled to the surface after being submersed under water for ages. “I know, doll, I know” was his rushed response, barely anything but gushes of air against her wet lips. She was too dizzy to think, breathy words and hot touches clouding her mind. 

Holding her by the waist, Steve turned them around, walking her backwards to the bed in a manner that she knew all-too-well. The way he maneuvered around her apartment was so effortless — how, when her ankles bumped against the wooden bed frame, he lifted her off the floor by the back of her thighs, placing her high up on the bed before joining her, narrow hips pressed between her legs, their lips connected all the while. How she clawed his shirt off of his back, throwing it to the side, hands reaching for the hair on the back of his head as she pulled him down. How her fingers clutched to his messy, blonde hair, longer than how she remembered it, no longer the gelled peaks of a buzz cut.

It might have been a couple months since they’ve done this, but they way they moved around her bed, kissing, touching, and undressing each other, was exactly the same, giving her so much de ja vu it gave her goosebumps.

Steve, stripped down to his pants, shoved halfway down his hips, hovered over her, breaking their kiss. His lips were swollen red and glossy, boyish hair strewn all over. 

And, with the softest, most Steve-like tone, he vocalized words that knocked the breath out of her lungs: “Are you sure?” 

While, under any other circumstance, she would have rolled his eyes at Steve foreven the slightest hesitation in bed, the sincere words of that moment sparked something in her, the rest of her feelings coming crashing down.

Everything in the past half an hour had happened so quickly — Steve showing up at her door to them ending up in bed together — and he had the sense of mind to ask her if this is what she wanted. _This_ was the man that she fell in love with three years ago, and now, she realized with an almost agonizing fear, that her love for him was irrevocable, no matter how much time they spent away from each other. Things were never going to be really over between them, because a part of her would always be helplessly in love.

And so, she nodded, letting all inhibitions fly as she muttered a soft reply, pulling him back down by the neck.

"Yes."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Next chapter coming soon!


End file.
